This Sucks

The return of THIS LIFE.

10 years ago Britpop was at its height, Trainspotting was out, Euro ’96 made football cool again, I only had 4 hours of lectures a week and This Life was THE show of the decade. It had it all and was a world away from all the other clap trap on TV. When rumours started circulating late last year that Amy Jenkins had got the gang back together for one last final blast, 26 – 36 year olds everywhere waited with baited breath to see the outcome. Would Milly and Egg have weathered the wedding day punch up split ? Would Anna shag Miles again ? Would Warren get over himself? And would Ferdy and Lenny actually get themselves out of that bloody toilet cubicle? My friends and I couldn’t get Xmas and New Year over quick enough. Roll on Jan 2nd and roll on the answers.

It was shite. The programme had about 27 different sub plots. Ferdy’s 2 minute funeral. The faux documentary. Milly falling off a horse. Milly and Egg splitting up. Milly and Egg back together etc. Warren’s ‘overdose’. Warren’s res-surrection. Warren consenting to be a father. Anna shagging Miles. Egg on the boat. The ending. Miles' pretend wife. Miles' house being repossessed. MILES' BLEEDIN' HAIR, for god sake!! They tried to cram a series worth of story lines into one episode.

For a show that I held in such high esteem, It could not have fallen further. What had happened to Joe, Kira, O’Donnell, Rachel ?? How did Ferdy die ?? What happened to Miles first wife ?? Eggs café ?? Why hadn’t they seen each other for 10 years ?? Amy Jenkins blew the chance to make it untouchable.

The hype was great - the show was bollocks. For that, the Barrell of a Gun despatches a single headshot to my beloved show. You are fatally wounded, no This Life + 20 please.

Crappy National

Yes, I committed a cardinal sin. I went 21p overdrawn. ABBEY NATIONAL's fine for this was a staggering £50 on my account. My script reading friends at the Indian call centre obviously have no concept of how big the fine is in relation to the heinious crime and refused to back down (although they did put me on hold for 25 mins to decide this). Despite the fact that they are still 'looking into this', I'm not having it.

The glock has to be unloaded for this kind of behaviour. Abbey National, you made me mad - and I'm gunning for you.

I Can't Stan Him

4 months ago I read newspaper articles with STAN COLLYMORE proclaiming that in 4 weeks time he could stand ‘head to head’ with any of the Premierships leading marksmen. A quick glance at the boys leading the way in the league, I see Drogba, Ronaldo and Van Persie et all at the top, but Stan you’ve yet to sign, play or score in the football league, let alone the Premiership. The only thing I’ve seen you do recently was that tawdry reality Jury show. Stan you may have had one semi decent season being a premiership hot-shot but now you are gonna get a round of shots from the barrel of a gun. Your CV reads 'footballer, depression, woman beating, dogging, Basic Instinct 2, reality shows, NOTHING'.

I wouldn't even waste my bullets on you - just go away.

Faster Kill Pussycat

Only joking. I love cats but this picture was to cool to not appear in my blog.

Surf's up

My first chrome to the dome goes to ‘THE GIRL ON THE TUBE THIS MORNING WITH A SURF BOARD’.

It’s a familiar weekday site (not). You get on your packed tube in the morning, everyone’s head buried into their freebie Metro’s, with Amy Winehouse blasting on their iPods, then on walks a girl with a 9 foot surfboard. Surreal ?! - Yes. Why, oh why did you choose to travel in peak commuter running hours with a board that is so big it has to be propped up sideways, diagonally in the standing zone. I’m sure the people lucky enough to get on a few stops later were thinking ‘narly dude’ (that’s surf speak by the way) as they ducked underneath it.

Listen love, it’s winter, London doesn’t have any beaches, only Newquay has any decent surf and I’m trying to get to work. Here’s a suggestion, GET A CAB, WAIT TIL LATER or JUST DON’T BOTHER !!! The bag that had the surf board in could easily double up as a handy body bag for you as ‘the barrel of a gun’ is now officially pointing at you!

Every day I hate you more and more

THE KAISER CHIEFS

No No No. Next up is a band I severely dislike. 1-2-3, ‘Oh my god I can’t believe it, I never heard a band make such an awful drone’. The Kaiser freakin' Chiefs. Luckily I've only been subjected to their heavily rotated post punk/art rock (their words) rubbish on Radio 1, not their whole albums - god forbid. How the hell did these guys land 3 Brits back in 2006 ?? Lily Allen didn't even get one this year. Disgrace.

These guys seriously over rated. I predict a riot ?? Well I predict a riot too, but only if it is in a 7,000 seater arena, starts at 8pm, carefully marshalled by stewards and you buy a £25 t-shirt on the way out. Named after a South African football team you know……..yawn......zzzzzz. From Leeds you know……..zzzzzzzzz…… Make way for the AK, as ‘the barrel of a gun’ now has you in its sights - Big time.